As a morbid hobby, I look at crime scene photos online. It's sort of amazing the gory, frightening detail these photos exhibit.
Usually none of them has much effect on me, since I plan on joining their ranks in the dead soon. However, there was one photo of a Jeffrey Dahmer victim. For some reason, Dahmer had the man's body in a bathtub, mostly balanced on the side edge of the tub. One leg was inside, one was outside of the tub. The stomach and internal organs were gone. The ribs were exposed as most flesh was missing from them.
This photo stuck with me for some reason. Everytime I bathe, if I close my eyes, I see the unfortunate victim there, as if he were in my tub. When this happens I open my eyes as fast as possible to make sure I am alone. Then I dash from the tub, grabbing my towel on the way out, and run to my bedroom.
I don't know why this photo had such a strong effect on me, but I do know that I won't look at it again. I won't have to, as it's etched in my mind's eye.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
They want you to stay alive to make themselves feel better. They don’t want you to die because it will make them like they’ve failed. However, they don’t want to be there for you all of the time. They can’t be burdened to help keep your head above the water. But when you dip below the waves they don’t want to pull you up. At least not if it’s inconvenient for them. I say do it. If it’s what you want to do, do it. - Annalyse
Thursday, November 25, 2010
I was perched atop the safety rail along the roof level of the parking garage. I was debating the merits of simply shifting my weight, ever so slightly, until I peacefully tumbled downward. But, due to my intense acrophobia waking up from its adrenaline induced slumber, I was frozen in place. I didn’t think I’d been spotted yet, but I wasn’t sure.
I suppose I could always claim that I just wanted to enjoy the view. That I wasn’t the least bit afraid of heights and that this was the best spot in the area to get a full aerial view. I seriously doubt this would be believable, but I’ve always held the secret conviction of a politician when it comes to lies. Repeat it often, with sincerity, no matter what contradictory evidence exists.
When confronted with said evidence, refer to my previous denials as if they were physical evidence of equal weight. “As I said previously, it was the best place in town to acquire such a view of unrequited beauty. I stand by that statement…”
Still, I didn’t think this was the way to go. I don’t think I’m much of a looker, but virtually no one looks better splattered on the ground. No open casket. I like to be as considerate as possible, considering I can control how I die.
No, I wouldn’t slide off the railing to my not-so-beautiful demise. Now, all I have to figure out is how to get off of this rail, unseen and safely.